Goodbye, Michael.

It began in December of 2009. Just me, my Mac, and a couple of free trials to Netflix. One of the great benefits of having a couple of credit cards… That I always pay off, for the record. That is when I began my love affair with The Office. I’d seen a couple of episodes prior, but I had decided that I needed to start from the beginning if I really wanted to appreciate and understand the storyline and humor of each character. Internet… I didn’t know what was about to hit me. Almost immediately, I became so wrapped up in this show and its characters that I was able to fly through the first five seasons in a matter of 4 weeks. Don’t judge me, Internet. It was Christmas break.

Since that time, The Office has been one of my favorite shows of all time, right behind Friends, and now we face the end of an era. Michael Scott is leaving Dunder Mifflin/Sabre. As much as I love the show, the fact is that The Office’s glory days are over. Season 6 was fairly good, but season 7 always leaves me saying, “Meh”. Thus, I think it is a very smart move of Steve Carell to gracefully bow out while the show still has a great following. However, this has left me wondering, “How in the world do producers plan on carrying on the show without Michael Scott???” He is foundational. That would be like saying, “Here… Have some macaroni-and-cheese. But I’m actually gonna take away the macaroni. So here… Have some cheese.” Well, internet, I don’t think I just want cheese. And Will Ferrell’s guest spot? Bleh. I pretty much can’t stand him, and I mean that in the nicest, most Christian way ever.

Because The Office is so near and dear to my heart, I wanted to share my favorite Michael Gary Scott quotes from the last seven seasons, in honor of his last two episodes. Hopefully, this will help me find some sort of closure as I say goodbye to one of TV’s greatest characters…

Sidenote: If you don’t watch The Office, #1 – You’re missing out. #2 – The rest of this won’t be the least bit funny to you.

  • “I hate disappointing just one person. And I really hate disappointing everyone. But I love Burlington Coat Factory. You go in there with $645, you are literally a king.”
  • “Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘If you are racist, I will attack you with the North’.”
  • “Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus’ dad?”
  • “ You know what? I had fun at prom. And no one said yes to that either.”
  • “ We had a foreign exchange student when I was young. And we called him my brother, and that’s what I thought he was. Um, then he went home to what is formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like: A fake brother who steals your jeans.”
  • “Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back, after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho. And you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then… suddenly she’s not your ho no mo’.”
  • “Angela, a lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first, but it is a magical place… You have to give it a chance. If these walls could talk they would say, ‘This is a magical place. You are safe here. We have talking walls. We’re not going to eat you’.”
  • “Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I dunno… I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally, I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me… No, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.”
  • “Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?”
  • “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”
  • “Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and I have a great one. “Little Kid Lover”. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”
  • “Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party is so lame!”
  • “No, no, no, no! You will not die, Stanley! Stanley, you will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black Stanley!
  • “ There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them, like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit. So I don’t think that this is totally just a women’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.”
  • “Would I rather be feared or loved? Um… Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael Scott… Thanks for the memories. You will be greatly missed.

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